The End.

And just like that, it’s all over. I failed.

It’s a very difficult concept to come to terms with. For the last 10 years of my life, my whole existence has been centred on one thing. It was the core of my identity, and my purpose, and now that thing no longer exists. My 2020 Olympic campaign is officially dead.

This past week, I competed at the Sailing World Cup in Miami. This regatta was my last opportunity to qualify Canada for an Olympic berth. I got off to a slightly rocky start on the first day, but ultimately sailed a clean event, and went into the medal race just needing to put two boats between myself and the Trinidadian sailor to secure the spot. I started the medal race perfectly, nailed the first winshift, and was leading the race comfortably, with my competitor in last place. It was actually happening! Then, in a cruel twist of fates, the race committee decided to abandon the race because they felt the wind had shifted too far. When we re-sailed the race, I didn’t manage to put anything together. Interestingly, in contrast to past experiences, I don’t feel like I choked. All the decisions that I made in that race were logical and rational for the information that I had at the time. The opportunities just never came my way… As tough of a pill that it is to swallow, it is something I will have to learn to live with. Even when you prepare well, and you execute on those preparations, there will always be a layer that is outside your control. Success is never guaranteed.

As bad as this hurts right now, I have enough perspective to see what an opportunity it is that I’ve had. I got to fail in the pursuit of my greatest dream. A dream that I pursued with no reservations and no compromise. Most people never get to experience that. There is no doubt in my mind that I gave this absolutely everything that I had, and ultimately, that is why I will be able to live with it. It’s been an epic journey, and in a way, I’m proud of what I’ve done.

Endings are also beginnings, and I know that the obvious question people will ask is what comes next. I made a commitment to myself that regardless of the outcome of this qualifier, I would still compete in the World Championship that is in 2 weeks in Melbourne. I put a lot of work into preparing for that event, and want to see it through. After that, everything remains on the table. The emotions are still raw, and I don’t want to rush any decisions. I think in my heart I know what I want, but reality has to factor into the decisions.

I just want to take the opportunity here to recognize all of the people who have helped me in this journey. From my family who have been with me through thick and thin, my current coach who sacrificed so much to this pursuit, to all the coaches, mentors, training partners, sponsors, donors and supporters who have helped and encouraged me along the way. I could not have made it this far without you.

Thank you for reading and being a part of this journey.

Fillah Karim